Swoon

Casey + Brandon from Fancy Rhino on Vimeo.

Sitting in the offices the other day, I wanted to listen to the song "You and I" by Ingrid Michaelson but my friend continually kept telling me to wait: she said there was a video she wanted me to see that had that song in it. I didn't much care about her video, and hinted this point to her, telling her that all I wanted to do was listen to the song and finish up an email I needed to send before the end of my office hours. I have since learned that I should not be so impatient nor place negative expectations onto what other people think or do: my life would be much different had she not forced me to watch the above video.

I don't have a romantic streak anymore: nothing seems appealing in a cute way anymore, I seldom swoon at anything and if I do it's mostly joking or not completely sincere. I used to have ideas of what would be fun to do with my significant other: I wanted to go to the zoo, have him paint my toenails and there were all of these strange things that seemed romantic and appealing: but not anymore. Nothing seems sweet. I want nothing to do with the romantic.

I don't want to get married: I have no desire to put myself in that position. I don't trust people enough to trust myself to one of them, I don't believe that real love really exists, at least not for me, and I don't want to be tied down.

Too many past failures and disappointments have made me bitter toward the condition of man and I don't have any faith in myself and others: I'd rather be alone. If you had known me in High School and my freshman year of college you would be shocked to hear all of this from me now. Much has changed in the last year let alone the majority of my life.

But I watched this video and I found a healing that I didn't think was possible. I saw the look on a husbands face as his bride comes down the aisle and the way he adores and loves her and it was refreshing. Watching them gave me hope that good relationships really do exist. I found myself giggling and genuinely swooning for the first time in a long time.

These songs have now been stuck in my head for days on end and I've listened to them both more than ten times each in the last three days. Maybe twenty? Who knows: they've been that healing.

In the end, this video...well...it looks kind of nice.

10/13/11