Sabath

It's always guess work when I try to figure out what I need. Sometimes I need to hop on my bike, sometimes I need to sleep, sometimes I need to charcoal someone dancing, sometimes I need to be outside, I need to be around people, I need to bake, I need to write, and sometimes I don't know what I need and it turns out to be...anime? When I was young I watched a lot of anime, and my older sister and I used to watch a show called Card Captor Sakura when I was in elementary school. After a long day of serving the community and being faced with my inadequacies as a leader and servant I proceeded to study until late into the night. I got home and didn't know what I ndeeded, exhausted and emotionally stuffed to bursting, I flopped onto my bed and prayed for the internet that never works at night. And God was merciful. Full bars appeared, I searched until I found the name of the old show, youtubed it, and watched episodes into the next day. And as exhausted as I was, I was satisfied and emptied of the overwhelming feeling that had threatened to break me down.

Sometimes I don't know what I need as a release. It's not always as simple as biking or drawing or taking some quiet time alone. We'll never completely know ourselves and as much as falling in love with someone is a continually process of learning about them and getting to know them as they change, falling in love with ourselves is a continual process of being surprised as we learn more about ourselves. I found humor, learning, and affection in being faced with myself today. My sabath came just in time and it came in the form of a fourth grade girl flying around in costumes capturing magical cards. Thank you, Jesus.

9/17/11