Long and short moments in one day.

A second can make all the difference. How long did it take me to get out of bed when I heard a loud knock at my door? How long did we stand there talking before I invited him? How long did I pursue searching half heartedly for his wallet in my house? How long did he choose to make small talk before leaving? What are the odds that after looking both ways before crossing a street a bike and a car would be trying to occupy the same space at that exact moment in time? Right after leaving my house today my friend got hit by a truck while on his bike, and came out of it with just a slightly damaged body and spirit. And it makes me ponder the second. Ponder the moment. What are the odds that we would have taken just the right amount of time at each and every step to place him in that position? I remember that during the whole exchange I felt pushed along, like I was on fast forward for some reason, as though time was trying to meet a deadline and I was being swelled forward as on a wave. I envision that each moment is a snap shot on a movie reel, each second is designated for a slow upward treck or a fast downward hurl as on a rollercoster track, and as I let the moments steep in the systematicaly fading now, I am made accutely aware of the feud bewteen coincidence and destiny.

*

When you're busy with things you love, it makes all the difference. But still there's something more important than loving what you do, and that is loving who you're with. There are plenty of people that I am surrounded by that are real friends to me. But there are plenty of real friends that I am surrounded by that, though they have taught me the real definition of unconditional patience, loyalty, and forgiveness, are not my soul mates. They are not the kind of people that stop breathing for the same things as me, but the kind of people in which rolled eyes, confused furrowed brows, and laughing alone are common. So I've been lonely, but have also found immeasurable comfort in the presence of another soul typing away next to me, slipping in and out of long silences and short chatter late into the night, night after night.

8/31/11