"It's okay to fail."
Nate Rigby
Last year I definitely had to learn that it's okay to fail. I tried as hard as I could and studied hard, but I still got a D in Chemistry and should not have even gotten a C in molecular. I learned a lot, came to terms with the fact that those are not things I'm good at, and that I put in an honest effort even if it wasn't my everything. It wasn't my ideal situation but I was able to move on. Maybe because I decided it was okay to fail, but maybe it was also because I didn't care very much.
It hit me while sitting in psychology class as Nate Rigby said that's it's okay to fail, that that could apply to other things as well. Maybe it can apply to people and relationships of all kinds too. Is it okay to fail in relationships? Class is just class, a sport is just a sport, a hobby and skill are just a hobby and a skill, but people are much more sacred than those things. It means much more to have people fail you or to fail others--that's much more serious.
So is it an all encompassing statement that it's okay to fail? I asked my friend, "when is it not okay to fail?" and she looked at me and said: "Ice climbing." Point taken. Some failures will always be grievous. So are relationships one of them? The song I'm listening to ironically just stated, "Everything will be okay." And maybe that's the real point. It's okay to fail because in the end everything will be okay. It'll be alright.
I want it to be okay to fail in relationships because when I hear that I find great comfort: I feel like I can breath again. But I don't believe it. I don't believe it's okay and that's why I'm still tortured. It's like the classes I did so terribly in: I can't go back and do them again. I could retake them but that would set me behind, and I know I can't do better in them. Partly because I don't think I'm capable intellectually, but also because motivationally I don't think I have it in me to put that kind of effort forward.
And I know with my failed relationships I can't go back. Nothing will change, I wouldn't do anything differently, I need to keep moving forward, and I need to say it's okay and go on. Maybe the point is not that it's okay to fail, it's that I am a failure and that's okay. We're in a fallen world and I am not perfect, but it's okay to be a failure. Sometimes our failures are painful and the consequences severe, but the fact remains that those failures will always be disappointing to look back on, but what really sticks with us and plagues us is not the past, it's our present state and our not being able to forgive who we are.
I don't want to feel okay about the friendships I've had that ended in explosive disagreements, abandonment, and betrayal. I don't want to feel okay about the relationships that ended in apathy and lies. I don't want to feel okay because I don't care enough. I do want to feel the present and real forgiveness that God has bestowed on me as an imperfect failure in this world so that I can continue to function in peace. I do want to feel okay about the state of the present moment in time that I breath in and out every moment. It's not always okay to fail: that I have decided. But it is okay to forgive and live in forgiveness. That peace is healthy. Knowing that God has claimed that it is okay gives me peace that I was not allowing to exist. Restoration will come and it'll be okay.
I can breathe.
"Remember To Breathe" by Dashboard Confessional
9/21/11
It's okay to fail at everything except persevering in faith. At the end of Jesus' life, Peter failed and Judas failed. Peter's failure was "ok." Judas' was not. It's the only type of failure that matters, and if you think about it, it shapes the rest of the failures. God shapes us through our circumstances, and recognizing that we are failures is the first step to going home justified (Luke 18:9-14), and having been justified by faith, we have peace with God (Rom 5:1). Embrace the failure of yourself, focus on God's strength in you, forget yourself, honor God, do what he wants you to do, be happy--God's way.
ReplyDelete