What makes a woman, a woman? I pondered this as I wore my baggy blue pants with my tennis shoes and disheveled hair. That day I didn't feel like a woman. I discussed it with some of the women I live with. I asked them, "what makes you feel like a woman?" We agreed that it was when we looked good, when we felt beautiful, and when we felt confident.
I have a theory: why do women want to feel attractive? Attractive people are more approved and accepted by society: don't debate this with me. It's true. If a cute guy says he's noticed you in class and wants to strike up a conversation he's much more likely to be received as a charmer than the greasy unkempt guy that comes over and can't make eye contact when he talks. It's unfortunate, but true. I think women who want to feel accepted and loved try to look the most appealing and put together: they're looking for support. These are the females we define as "women" in our society. The powerhouse, lookin' good, confident ladies. The ladies that are in need. But what if you're just female? You've got a vagina. Does that make you a women?
The more I've pondered it this last week, the more I think that being a "woman" is a role that you have to step into. My American culture defines it in a very specific way, the way I said above, but there are cultures all over the world with women in loin cloths and dirt and they may not be "beautiful" by my cultures standard, but by God are they women. I think it's a taking on of adulthood and responsibility. Or something. I don't know yet but what I've determined this last week is that it's not what America thinks. It is something that any woman anywhere can have, and it's something she has to step into. It's an inner beauty: though I don't know exactly what that inner beauty entails: sometimes I think I feel it, but I don't understand it enough to describe. It's more than a vagina and less than perfectly manicured eyebrows.
When I think of the way America defines being a woman, I think of all the women I know that can't live up to that expectation, and I feel crushed along with them. I sat down in biology class today and as the professor began to speak, I flipped to the back of my notebook and wrote my thoughts as well as the women near and dear to my heart. This is what we say:
Woman
I hate the hair above my lips
She said to me one day.
I hate the hair inside my nose
The hair above my eyes
I hate the hair upon my legs
The hair upon my thighs
I hate the hair upon my arms
The hair that no one sees
I hate the hair upon my toes
She said to me one day.
I hate the flabs when I lift my arms
She said to me one day.
I hate the flabs beneath my butt
The flabs below my chin
I hate the flabs by my armpits
The flabs above my jeans
I hate the flabs about my thighs
She said to me one day.
I hate the dimples behind my legs
She said to me one day.
I hate the birthmarks and the warts
The moles and the cellulite and the spots
I hate the shape of my knuckles
The discolored scars and calluses and freckles
I hate the circles beneath my eyes
She said to me one day
I hate the way I walk
She said to me one day
I hate the way I smile
The way I talk and laugh
I hate the way I sit
The way I gesture and eat
I hate the way I dance
She said to me one day
She said to me one day:
There is no beauty here.
There is no beauty here.
There is no beauty here.
There is no woman here.
She looked me in the eyes one day
And told me to my face
I hate every inch of you
And she cut me all away
I tried to tell her I love your nose
Your freckles and sunken cheeks
I love every birthmark
And the way you sit and eat
I love your unkempt hair
And your chicken legs
I love your dried out lips
The curves above your jeans
I love your laugh
The things that make you unique
I said to me one day
There is no woman here.
There is no woman here.
There is no woman here.
There is no beauty here.
So I hated every inch of me
And I cut myself away.
I wrote the last line and heard my teacher say, "K, did everybody get that?" I had not in fact gotten any of that class, but I got something. Every line of " I love's" is geared toward a woman I know.
What does it mean to be a woman?
2/24/11
I think you are on to someone. A woman in this society can not truly act as or feel like a woman until they are confident in themselves. For over a century, our society has been changed to devalue the way we feel about ourselves. People have been devaluing each other forever, but some people figured out something very very devious. They can CAPITALIZE on this feeling. Ever since then, America, and the cultures America has injected itself into has been working every hard to devalue women in each and every way possible. Entertainment is king today in our culture, because it entertains consumers and provides a medium for control through advertisement and propaganda. Their message? Fear, doubt, self-loathing. Beneath it's shiny exterior, every TV show, movie, magazine, street advertisement, etc., etc., etc., has been built around a growing culture of self-discontent, mostly towards women.
ReplyDeleteNow that every woman in America is unhappy with herself, they provide a million meaningless avenues towards "self-betterment and happiness." Apparel, makeup, diets, exercise, media. A million different things to waste your time, money, and energy on to "fix" yourself. Because, as an American, you aren't a woman unless you fix yourself in all these different ways. But you can never reach this womanly nirvana. It mimic any sin in this world. You can be fulfilled in love, or enjoy the small doses of fake happiness given by indulging in instant gratification.
Going back to that theme of love, let's look at where love comes from. God is love. Start there. God loves you and created you for who you truly are. Every freckle, scar, mole, flab, dimple, hair. Everything society tells you to hate, God created just for you. He created them for Him to love, and to bring Him glory. He created them for you to love. For everyone to love. We corrupt this with sin. Most importantly, because He love you for who you are, He loves you as a WOMAN.
Society's methods promise womanhood, but the system is built against you. It is built for the profit of others. It is built for hate, sin, and corruption. It brings no fulfillment. God's method is built for success right away. Acknowledge that God created you perfectly in His own way, and there you have it. You are a WOMAN, and a most beautiful one, because God makes NO MISTAKES. Your confidence may abound. Unfortunately, we are creatures of sin, and making that acknowledgement consistently is near impossible. But when we can make that decision, we are confident that we are true Men and Women of God. And that is a beautiful thing.
I think you're on to something with the confidence part and I think that partly that confidence comes from what you were saying about understanding that you are created perfectly by God. That makes it sound so easy though: but acknowledging doesn't necessarily mean believing and without digging to the heart and the root of why you feel the way you feel, or defining what it means that God made you perfect, I think there's a good chance you'll find yourself with the same lurking beliefs and lies in the back of your mind.
ReplyDeleteExactly. I was speaking so much into ideals, but reality is, you need something deeper to maintain that truth. Men and women alike need to find something within themselves to embrace who they are in their identity. It's nearly impossible in our culture. I don't claim to be anywhere near that point.
ReplyDelete