Addicted

I'm a person prone to addiction. Addiction to people, to places, to activities, to habits, to food, to slothfulness, to robot unicorn attack. Some addictions have gripped my life with shame so deep I've felt my soul descending to hell. Some addictions that I've only whispered to an amount of people I can count on one hand. But in telling my shame I've built relationships on the solid ground of Christ, and I've never regretted it for a second. This video is how I feel, and you can stop watching once the dance is done. The first time my sister and I watched this we cried: because it's so true. This is me:





I feel as though my addictions define who I am. And as much as they've decimated my joy, they have also built me into someone who can more easily (identify, understand, empathize:) know and therefore love others. I couldn't have learned to love others if I hadn't experienced hating myself first. I'm getting to know my addictions and therefore am getting more able to fight them. But lately I've found myself tempted to fall back into the same routine but in fresh new ways and I'm desperate to gain control. I know these things are true:

"Self-discipline begins with the mastery of your thoughts. If you don't control what you think, you can't control what you do. Simply, self-discipline enables you to think first and act afterward." -Napolean Hill

"Thoughts crystallize into habit and habit solidifies into circumstances." -Bryan Adams

"It is the nature of thought to find its way into action." -Christian Bovee

"We destory arguments of every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ." -II Corinthians 10:5(ESV)


I've learned that my thoughts have a tendency to be the root of all my evil. I let myself believe lies. But with some mind control and a centered mind on the Vine I have high hopes.

12/13/10