“I don’t feel like I have this rage inside of me that’s building...
because I refuse to let him have that.
He can’t have me. He can’t steal anything else.”
Jaycee Dugard
because I refuse to let him have that.
He can’t have me. He can’t steal anything else.”
Jaycee Dugard
I was watching the interview with Jaycee Dugard awhile back, a woman who was held in abusive captivity for eighteen years, and what stood out to me most was how normal she was. How easily she strolled around talking to Diane Sawyer, how easily she laughed, and how honestly she spoke. She seemed completely okay and the more I listened and watched, the more convinced I became that she really is. There's pain in her looking back but I remember her saying that he had taken eighteen years of her life and he wasn't getting another minute of it. She was moving on, neither being tortured nor reveling in the past. Here was now: in all her humility and clarity of mind she was living for beauty. The beauty of her daughters, of freedom, of being with her mother, of being alive, of understanding the world, of laughing, of experiencing and chasing what is good.
I envy this mindset. I want it for my own. I have never experienced anything so tramatic as what she went through, though the lesson she's learned and emulates through her life and her smile are contagious and apparent to me. Just evolving from my teenage years as a young woman, I know what drama is. It rises up in my life and as much as I despise it I also find myself able to thrive off it and find a certain satisfactiona, entertainment, and comradedre through it by way of it being a time killer and source of gossip. In times of boredom and apathy, it gives me something to feel and be passionate about.
But the way Jaycee Dugard lives her life shows me the way I should live mine. She doesn't thrive off the drama, she sees it for what it is: not a source of entertainment or attention, but a corrupt and perverted distortion of the way relationships and living are supposed to progress. I want to keep that view by not giving the people that provide drama in my life one more second of my thoughts and energy: especially when they're not present in my life and I just have myself to fuel my thoughts and actions to that destructive end. I'm learning to leave it be. I'm learning to not think about it, not bring it up in conversation, not check to see who's emailed back, not check to see who's texted, not to let it pervade every area of my life so that I become the hub for all things emotionally damaging and debilitating.
When a person becomes the object of the drama in my life, I want to fight back against that perversion that tries to decieve me into thinking that it can be a viable source of happiness. I refuse to let anger toward a person or situation affect my attitude toward life, I refuse to give those people that want to spark a reaction out of me the satisfaction and success by way of manipulating my thoughts, words, actions, and heart. I will spend the least amount of time I can on the situation, be apathetic toward the barage of attempts at my attention, and move on with life not dwelling or taking anything from the drama other than the positive lessons learned that I can live by. Those people and those situations that I obsess over have taken enough from me and they don't get one more second. Not one more second of my emotion, and not one more second of my time. It's a free, beautiful, and good life that Jaycee Dugard is chasing after, and I plan on chasing it with her.
8/9/11
I envy this mindset. I want it for my own. I have never experienced anything so tramatic as what she went through, though the lesson she's learned and emulates through her life and her smile are contagious and apparent to me. Just evolving from my teenage years as a young woman, I know what drama is. It rises up in my life and as much as I despise it I also find myself able to thrive off it and find a certain satisfactiona, entertainment, and comradedre through it by way of it being a time killer and source of gossip. In times of boredom and apathy, it gives me something to feel and be passionate about.
But the way Jaycee Dugard lives her life shows me the way I should live mine. She doesn't thrive off the drama, she sees it for what it is: not a source of entertainment or attention, but a corrupt and perverted distortion of the way relationships and living are supposed to progress. I want to keep that view by not giving the people that provide drama in my life one more second of my thoughts and energy: especially when they're not present in my life and I just have myself to fuel my thoughts and actions to that destructive end. I'm learning to leave it be. I'm learning to not think about it, not bring it up in conversation, not check to see who's emailed back, not check to see who's texted, not to let it pervade every area of my life so that I become the hub for all things emotionally damaging and debilitating.
When a person becomes the object of the drama in my life, I want to fight back against that perversion that tries to decieve me into thinking that it can be a viable source of happiness. I refuse to let anger toward a person or situation affect my attitude toward life, I refuse to give those people that want to spark a reaction out of me the satisfaction and success by way of manipulating my thoughts, words, actions, and heart. I will spend the least amount of time I can on the situation, be apathetic toward the barage of attempts at my attention, and move on with life not dwelling or taking anything from the drama other than the positive lessons learned that I can live by. Those people and those situations that I obsess over have taken enough from me and they don't get one more second. Not one more second of my emotion, and not one more second of my time. It's a free, beautiful, and good life that Jaycee Dugard is chasing after, and I plan on chasing it with her.
8/9/11
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