Spontaneity

I changed my facebook status at 10:40pm. I checked flights at 10:49pm. I made the decision to leave at 11:13pm. I was at the airport at 11:45pm. I was on the plane at 12:20am. I took flight at 12:55am. I landed in Portland at 5:30am.

I fly for free, and I've always thought about just taking off and catching a flight last minute, and I've looked into it before, but it's never worked out. Either by fear, full flights, or the predicament of not having anywhere to stay, I've never spontaneously taken off. But I was in the right place at the right time in life to throw caution to the wind, and a good friend had a fierce and selfless enough sense of adventure to catch me when I jumped, and coffee and breakfast in a bakery, random driving, vintage shopping, and talking and talking and talking was exactly what we both needed that day. It was laid back and beautiful and to have and to be a listening nonjudgmental ear was healing.

Yet there's something about spontaneity that takes learning. Here's an excerpt from my journal that I wrote while sitting outside baggage claim waiting to be picked up in Portland: "It's a learning experience to be spontaneous. You leave home for an adventure and you start to think of all the other things you could have done instead: wake up late in your comfortable bed to the morning sun, went to an old mountain climbers talk at the museum, hung out with a friend who was finally free, gotten the IM test done for your car. And then you have to kick yourself and remember that you're going to OREGON to see some of the best friends you have right now and that that's beautiful. Sitting outside waiting for a friend now, it's 5:30, almost 6 now and it's warm. It smells like Hawaii and the voice that routinely comes over the speakers sounds like a Disneyland safety announcement. I feel very much at home and at peace. It doesn't feel early: though I barely got any "good" sleep on the plane. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling free. I'm feeling like I can find the value in every moment and experience which is what I need right now."

It takes a force of will to let go and take in the here and now. It's a process. If I can learn to not put so much stock in planning and having things go the way I expect, and if I can learn to embrace the moment, my life will be much more like the adventure I want it to be.

6/27/11