At church on Sunday, the pastor threw out there the fact that when he was 20 he thought he knew everything, and the congregation laughed their agreement. He then apologized to us in the front row who were all 20. I smiled because I knew it was true: I believe that I know a lot, and I know I don't know everything, but I still think I know what I'm talking about.
Later in the day it was very much proven to me that I do not know everything, and I do not know what is best. When I see someone in need, I asses the situation, decide what is best, and force it on others: this blew up in my face and the reality that I could not be wonder woman hit me hard. It was a harsh blow to learn that I don't have anything close to a good grasp on what it means to live for the Kingdom on earth in a humble way, or what it means to care for people. I came out of that day with a total loss of confidence and pride: which was good. I sat on a couch and the need for Christ's control, truth, and guidance had never been so apparent to me. I have no idea what I'm doing and there's only one source of truth to tell me how it's supposed to be done.
I do not know what is best.
4/10/11
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