Sense of Accomplishment

The lifestyle and constraints that I've placed myself in by being at school require me to move at a pace that I was never meant for. A pace that I'm not sure anyone was meant for. Maybe a select few. It doesn't matter how many chapters I study a night, for however many classes, it doesn't matter how many assignments I finish, when I look at how much I've accomplished in a day in a certain amount of time, it's never enough. My speed for learning, my pace for living, is not "up to par" for what it takes to be here. My initial instinct is to feel inadequate: if I could pull myself together enough I could do what it takes. I just need to get motivated.

This is a lie.

I am me. The pace at which I read is okay. The amount of information I can learn in an hour is acceptable. Sitting still is not slothfulness. The rate at which I wish to live my life and make accomplishments is not a rate that should be factored into a race: eternity is not a race. When I live in the present I live in eternity, and the pace at which I live in eternity cannot be measured as right or wrong: it is simply mine.

I am not lazy, unmotivated, or slow. I am me. I will not define me by the standards set by an inorganic institution.

Note to self: if you fail by their standards it's not because you're a failure. Live in your eternity, and you will succeed as you were meant to succeed. You are not a life in vain: you have your own mission and have been duly sent. Don't let them etch you because everyone else does: etch yourself.

2/22/11