I don't want to.

It takes a long time to change when you don't want to.

When an animal is wary of something it will slink forward to check it out, but it will only get so close. Its past experiences have taught it to fear. There comes a moment when it freezes and you know it will either run away or cautiously proceed forward. I am frozen. I am realizing that what I have been wary of has become safe, at least safer, and I am not sure I want it to be. It's here frozen that I realize what a precarious tightrope I've been teetering on, and how much more precarious it would be to cautiously proceed forward.

It's taken me a long time to change, because I don't want to.

I'm looking forward to catching up on Chuck.

12/8/11