Locker Room Kid

You know that kid in junior high and high school that sat alone in the locker room to eat lunch? Maybe you saw him, maybe you heard stories about him, maybe you were him. Well, my new permanent place of residence, my default location to exist when all else fails, is my office. And I realized the other day as I hid out there and ate my dinner alone because I didn't know anyone in the cafeteria, and I didn't know anyone outside the cafeteria, that I was in my makeshift locker room. I was hiding out, the loser, because I had no one to be with. I spend a lot of Friday and sometimes Saturday nights in there listening to music, writing, sleeping, and doing homework. A friend of mine caught me in there alone this last Friday night and said to me, "You know Toni I've been thinking. Thinking about the deeper things in life. Like, how can a man live without water? Those types of things you know? Like, how can a child live without it's parents? And how does an attractive young woman end up alone in the student government offices on a Friday night?" I laughed heartily, and it was sincere laughter, but he voiced what I didn't want to address. It's not that I don't have friends. I do. But they aren't always around, and it's just so easy. I've gotten so comfortable just hiding, and I don't feel so alone when it's just me sitting by myself in a room rather than a room full of people.

11/13/11